Reaching Your Potential?

Steven Griggs | Free SpiritTM

Reaching Your Potential?

Written by Steven Griggs | stevengriggs.com

“The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder.” 

Jim Morrison

“There comes a moment in every life when the Universe presents you with an opportunity to rise to your potential, an open door that only requires the heart to walk through, seize it and hang on. The choice is never simple. It’s never easy. It’s not supposed to be. But those who travel this path have always looked back and realized that the test was always about the heart. ...The rest is just practice.” 

Jaime Buckley

I always cringe when I hear people talking about someone not reaching their full potential or commenting in a serious and knowing way about how it was "just so sad and such a waste, because so and so had so much potential…" .

We sometimes hear these words from friends and family who are trying to motivate or inspire us to do better, to overcome whatever it is that’s holding us back- “you have so much potential….”.

Notice that comments about potential never come from within us. We do not go around talking to ourselves about reaching our full potential. I suppose some people do but my point is that thinking about our potential or judging ourselves about how we are using our potential always originates from someone else’s opinion.

Plus, it is so egotistical to talk about someone else’s potential. Who made them the expert on potential?

These are really very powerful and negatively charged words and I do not believe these comments really do anything to inspire us to seek our potential.

Instead I think they undermine us and reinforce that we aren't  reaching our potential, that we are failing in some way.

We all possess amazing powers to create and build. Everyone one of us contains massive potential.

The key to it all is passion.

Without passion our powers lie quietly hidden, waiting for the moment when they are sparked alive and burst forth.

Let me ask you a question: Are you reaching your potential?

It’s a loaded question because I believe no matter who you ask they will answer that they aren't.

For one, who wants to say “Yes!  I have reached my full potential, this is it, I’m at my peak!”

Unless it is really true. But this can be a hard one to understand because most of us will judge and probably say to ourselves- “Really? That’s your full potential?” But who knows anything about someone else’s potential?

You can never know and you can never say.

It’s just so wrong and arrogant to judge someone else or even comment on what you think their potential is or about any aspect of their life for that matter.

They could be massively happy and contented doing whatever it is they are doing. And I would be willing to bet that they are not even thinking about potential.  

But no one has the right to impose their beliefs on anyone else or project on to someone their interpretation of that person’s potential.

As far as the question, I think although most people will say that they haven’t reached their potential, they may not know what their potential is or even what that could look like but they will have a feeling that they have more to give, more to do in this life.

But how does one reach their potential?

First of all forget the phrase “Reach your potential”. It undermines you immediately. You know you aren't there yet and that creates a negative reinforcement. It sets you up for self-recrimination and guilt because instinctively you know you could be and do more but for whatever reason you aren't there yet.

Again, by saying these words to yourself and then reacting you are buying into someone else’s opinion, maybe your parents, teacher, spouse, friend, whomever. 

Don't.

Plus, can you really ever reach your potential?

No, I don't believe you can.

First of all it’s limitless.

Second, it doesn't kick in until you find your purpose or your passion.

Third, once it kicks in you can never reach "it". Because it never ends, it is an expanding power. It grows as you do, as your passion and engagement increases so does your potential and vice versa. Each feeds the other.

Your potential always exceeds your current ability.

That’s just how it works. You reach and stretch, then reach and stretch again.

When someone says something is impossible or unrealistic or out of reach, remember that these are just opinions, not necessarily facts.

But if you aren't engaged in something you are passionate about or care deeply about right now, you probably aren't there yet, you haven’t found your passion but you will.

The answer is in you. Maybe it’s not visible yet but deep inside you know.

Maybe you have some things that you are interested in doing or something that tickles your imagination and is calling out to you.

Maybe you have some ideas or plans that you had long ago that somehow got put on the back burner for 20 years.

Look closely at your daydreams.

Pay attention to the things that get you excited, the things that make you talk faster and louder.

But whatever it is, follow it, seek it out. Find it.

Stop worrying about time passing by and getting down on yourself because you haven’t done anything really remarkable yet.

It’s not too late. It’s never too late. Remember: time is an opinion (illusion), it’s not a fact.

Where you are now is only relevant to you, to your path. Age means nothing.

So don’t seek your potential, don’t get things backward, find your passion or your purpose first.

Because once you find your passion, your potential kicks in and takes over.

Then you will have the joy of spending the rest of your days trying to reach your potential.

www.stevengriggs.com

Worrier or Warrior?

No Limits | The Freedom Blog™

Worrier or Warrior?

Written by Steven Griggs | stevengriggs.com

“Never bear more than one kind of trouble at a time. Some people bear three- all they have had, all they have now, and all they expect to have.”

E.E. Hale

“If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.”

E. Joseph Cossman

Worry. It’s a sneaky thing. Worrying is just a symptom of fear.

It is actually a very comfortable place for your ego personality to hide out. It becomes consumed and distracted running through all the negative possibilities that it can imagine might happen.

“What if the car breaks down?” “What if I lose my job?” “What if I can’t pay the bills?”

It is endless. Once you have developed the habit of slipping into worry, it can become a part of your daily script.

It can become overwhelming and pervasive. I recently heard someone say they were worried about going out shopping because they might get hit by a car……..  !

You can see how far this can go, it can get crazy.

Sometimes having a bit of worry is OK, it could be just a fleeting thought of concern that acts like a warning signal. It’s telling you to remember something that could come up later or reminding you to take some other proactive action.  This is not really worrying.

The worrying I’m talking about is all consuming. It becomes a filter that you see the world through.

In general worrying is self-indulgent and really very polluting and toxic, first to anyone you are ‘worried” about and then especially to yourself.

By worrying about someone, you place a huge burden on that person. You are taking any fears or doubt they may already have and bringing their focus onto it and then they really start to worry and it expands…..

Not to mention how much you are trashing your own energy by focusing on negativity.

And by worrying and thinking about negative possibilities you are actually attracting the negative results you are worried about! You are sending out the vibration of what you don’t want instead of what you do want as an outcome.

And that’s what you’ll get- the exact thing you were worried about!

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

There is a concept called “Pareto’s Principle” or the “80/20 rule”. It says that 80% of the things you worry about won’t happen and the 20% that do happen won’t be as bad as you thought it would be.  

So try to remember that.

But how do you shift from living in fear or worry?  You need to move up a level or two on the emotional scale. It’s difficult to shift in one fell swoop into very high energy level, it is much easier to move up incrementally.

Try this. The next time you feel yourself worrying, sit down and draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper. (This is a variation of an exercise called “Clarity through Contrast”).

On the left side, write down what you are worried about (what you DON’T want).  You can list several things or just the dominant worry you are having today.

On the right side, write down what you would prefer to happen (what you DO want).

Now go down the list of items, which thought feels best? What you DON’T want or what you DO want?

When looking at what you DO want, try to see how it would look and how it will feel when it happens. It feels better, right? I’ll bet much better.

Can you feel the shift?

By focusing your attention on the desired outcome and feeling it, you can shift towards new possibilities instead of being mired in limitation.

So the next time you feel yourself slipping back into worry, try to remember what you DO want. Or since it is difficult to stop some thoughts, (you can try saying “cancel!”, it works for me) tell yourself I’ll think about that later, then when you can, take another look at your list.

Don’t let your mind be sabotaged by fear. 

Be a warrior not a worrier.

www.stevengriggs.com

What Are You Expecting?

No Limits | The Freedom Blog®

What Are You Expecting?

Written by Steven Griggs | stevengriggs.com

“Keep high aspirations, moderate expectations, and small needs”            William Howard Stein

“When one’s expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have”                                                                                            Stephen Hawking

“I got no expectations, to pass through here again”

Rolling Stones

Expectations are desired outcomes. We desire something and when it doesn't happen we are disappointed. We experience contradiction.  This is because we view the world out there as something we can control but the truth is we can’t; we can only control our responses.

Yes, we can influence some things and maybe manipulate other things but that can lead to trouble because you develop the feeling that you can control most things. But it’s the things that happen that we can’t control that cause us to be emotionally upset or angry.

In the physical sense we have a bit of chemistry to overcome. Our brain releases dopamine when it is pleased. So when its expectations are met and our brain is pleased a small amount of Dopamine is released into our system. This gives us a quick feeling of pleasure and well-being. Larger amounts of Dopamine are released if you exceed your expectations.

This “reward” for meeting our expectations can result from the smallest form of having your expectations met. For example, being on a deadline and looking up and seeing you have 30 minutes more than you thought you had or having the light turn green just as your reach the intersection. Both of these events cause Dopamine to be released.

Conversely, when you have an expectation that is not met, you not only don’t have the flush of Dopamine, you actually have a more negative feelings come up. This can even dip you below where you would be normally. In some instances you might even have a momentary feeling of fear.

Having expectations is the real source of all unhappiness.

This is because you are constantly living with contradictions of the ego. Your desired outcomes don’t match with what is actually happening.

You looked forward to a clear warm day and it rains. You have an appointment and your car won’t start. You were hoping to get the new job and you didn't.

It never ends.

So what do you do? You have to learn to become detached.

You have to learn to accept what is not what you would wish it to be.

For example when your expectation is a sunny day but you get wind and rain, look at the weather and accept that this planet has a lot of weather and without it the entire planet would be a desert. So you accept the weather and put on a raincoat or pick up an umbrella.

Simple.

No need for an emotional reaction or frustration or even anger. It’s just weather.

So try stepping back from the emotional engagement of contradicted expectations.

Accept “what is” and roll with it. Expect everything.

www.stevengriggs.com

Don't Look Back (Or Forward)

No Limits | The Freedom Blog™

Don’t Look Back (Or Forward)

Written by Steven Griggs | stevengriggs.com

“With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Don’t let the past steal your present”  Terri Guillemets

How many times a day do you reminisce or review the past?

And how many times a day do you find yourself dreaming of the future?

We are all doing it constantly.

If you really think about it our days are made up of a constant stream of reviewing the past and looking into the future.

You aren't really doing anything in the present because it doesn't really exist.

The truth is that the present is the meeting point of the past and the future.

It is the split second between when we are moving from what is going to happen next (the future) to what has already happened (the past).

It feels like the present because you can see yourself doing whatever you are doing right now and it looks like the present because you can say “I am right here in the present” but it isn't and you aren't because your present, which was the future, has just become the past.

Instantly.

So the present doesn't really exist. It’s not really somewhere that you can “be in.”

Just as you are saying the word “present” you have already gone from the future to the past.

So there is no middle ground, no place where the present exists. It’s a constantly moving moment that exists as an infinitesimal gap between the future and the past.

The closest thing to the present is the immediate future and the most recent past.

But we constantly hear people talking about being present or staying in the present moment.

But how can you?

How can we exist in a present that doesn't really exist? What are we to do?

The key to expanding your moments of “present” is to reduce the amount of time you spend thinking about the past or the future.

You will still be going from the future to the past but you can refocus your viewpoint.

You can reduce your mind’s need to time travel and keep it close, keep it right here, right now.

As best you can.

Try to focus on the things going on around you.

Feel your body, feel your breath going in and out. Feel your body resting on the chair you are sitting in, feel your feet on the ground.

See the clouds rolling by, the birds in the air, the wind in the trees.

Smell the smells, taste the tastes, feel the sun on your face, really “be” with the person you are talking to.

Step away from your mind’s endless churning, from its constant searching and reviewing.

Reduce your visits to the past and future, I say reduce because you can’t eliminate your memories or stop dreaming of future possibilities because it’s a basic part of our human mind, but you can pull back from your need to dwell in the past or the future.

Make a renewed effort to stay right where you are every day.

Every time you start drifting off into past recollections or looking forward too far, pull yourself back.

Get back to now.

Not the present but now.

Focus on what is happening “now” even if “now” is moving instantly from future to past.

It’s the closest we can get to the present.

www.stevengriggs.com

The Power of No

No Limits | The Freedom Blog™

The Power of No

Written by Steven Griggs | stevengriggs.com

“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”                                                                                                                                       W. Clement Stone "Life is all about balance, too much and too little can kill. The best way to balance life is by setting your boundaries and learning to say Enough"             Anonymous Why do we almost always say yes, when we really want to say no? What is it that makes it so hard for some of us to say no? I think we have a built in instinct to say yes. It is probably an ancient human trait to look out for our family and our tribe. In ancient times the tribe was all important. It took a group to survive and prosper, so teamwork was essential. You would have a problem or possibly be ostracized if you said no or refused to help someone in your village. It would be unthinkable. But today is a different world. Most of us are already overwhelmed and operating at a slightly chaotic level. We have enough to do without taking on some else’s problems. But it is hard to say no. In many conversations, especially with family, there are so many unspoken issues and feelings swirling around that any request for a favor is never straight forward, it always gets colored with feelings of obligation or guilt. And some of us are pleasers and it is very hard to say no when you are a pleaser. Some of us thrive on a higher level of chaos. Saying yes to other’s requests provides oodles of opportunity to be overwhelmed. It feeds right in to our martyr complex. I have been guilty of being a pleaser for a large chunk of my life. I was always thinking of the other person, always putting someone else’s needs before mine. I never thought of putting myself first. I was the poster boy for the Pleaser Hall of Fame. But you can’t allow yourself to be pulled in to serving other people’s needs. First of all, if someone is asking you for something or asking for a favor, why? Why is it really necessary to ask anyone to do something for you? I don’t. I can’t think of the last time I asked anyone to do anything for me. Maybe I have and just don’t remember it right now but I really can’t think of any time. But again, why is someone asking you to do something for them? What is really going on? Is it an emergency? Is there a dangerous situation that they need help with? If so, OK. Is it helping with a family situation or maybe babysitting a family member’s kids for a few hours? That’s OK. What I am really talking about is the kind of person who is probably a little oblivious and self-centered and has no problem asking for favors. They are the opposite of being a pleaser, they are probably a taker. But then again maybe they are overwhelmed and stressed out because they have too much to do. They probably have a hard time saying no too. Most of us have full plates with our careers, our families, and all the complexities of today's connected lifestyle. It can be too much. We humans aren't born with the bandwidth to handle all of this stuff. But the real truth is that when you say “No” you are really saying “Yes”. You are saying “Yes” to yourself, Yes to protecting and nurturing yourself. Yes to living a simpler, quieter and less stressed life. You are also affirming that you are in alignment with who you are. Yes, you can help others, and yes, you can do favors for other people but only if it is truly something you feel OK with and don’t resent doing. If you feel for an instant any type of resistance within yourself, stop, withdraw the offer and don’t do the favor. You have to take control. If you say yes and don't mean it you are just setting yourself up for problems by creating resentment and anger. This will be smoldering and stewing within you and will affect your health, not to mention your relationships. That is not good. Just say, “I’d really like to help but I can’t right now”. Or “ No thanks today’s not a good day for me” and move on. Don’t explain or give a reason about why you’re saying no. If they persist and try to talk you into it then you’ll know for sure you made the right choice. So don’t argue or explain or offer to do it later. Just say nothing. Create a huge pregnant pause and wait. Let them fumble around and try to regroup. It will be interesting. I’m not saying to be mean or hurtful, just be firm and loving when you say “no thanks”. It will be difficult at first and you may feel guilty but watch the other person’s reaction. If they react negatively you just got a good insight into their real agenda. And you probably aren't at the top of their list. But if they are understanding and considerate then maybe you’ll offer to do them a favor at a later time when it’s more convenient for you. But either way remember: say “No” with love but start saying it today. www.stevengriggs.com

Every Day Is A New Day

No Limits | The Freedom Blog™

Every Day Is A New Start

Written by Steven Griggs | stevengriggs.com

“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start”

Nido Qubein

“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.”                                                                   T.S. Elliot

It’s funny how we have come to see New Year’s Day as the best date to start a new plan or make a new commitment.

But the sad fact is that before the end of the New Year 88% of the resolutions we have made have been forgotten. Well, probably not forgotten but put on the shelf to be done later when the time is right….

The vast majority of resolutions are simply not kept. It’s gotten to the point that even though we all know that no one really keeps a New Year’s resolution we like to go through the charade of believing it anyway.

It’s like we’re all in on a great conspiracy of pretending. If you believe in my fantasy, I’ll believe in yours, that way we enable each other to “believe” in our own fantasies….. . It's almost as if by making the resolution and telling other people about it you've already accomplished it! The bigger the goal the better because you get a bit of pre-glory just by resolving to complete it. It's weird. 

                                                       

I see it as a symptom of our society’s loose approach to integrity. We don’t really have to keep our promises because we can just change or modify our commitment to match our change of heart. It seems we can always find a good reason or excuse.

Still our lives are filled with beginnings and endings. 

Everything has a rhythm, a beginning and an end, although not all endings are necessarily final, many “endings” are really just a sign that you have reached a certain point and now things need to change.

Knowing and accepting this can be a great help. It helps you let go and understand that there is a flow to life and that embracing this flow is one of the keys to understanding this journey.

Yes, we feel pain when we lose loved ones, when friendships change, when our lives seem to take a left turn and things fall apart.

It can be hard because change is very, very difficult. Our ego personality likes things just the way they are, sometimes even if those things aren't so pleasant, because it craves continuity.

But everything has its season, listen to the Byrd’s classic song “Turn, Turn, Turn” sometime.

The way I see it is that every day is a new day, a new start. But no matter what program or new praxis you have committed to, you have to do it every day.

It’s not like you start on day 1 and poof! you are finished on day 20.

You have to do it one day at a time. Every day has to be lived day by day.

So don’t look back and don’t look forward too much.

Stay right in today.

No matter where  you start, no matter what you have committed to, do it each day and if you get off track tell yourself you’ll start again tomorrow.

Create a discipline and try to stick to it.

Of course we all get off track and screw up.

But so what?

Forget about it.

Don’t beat yourself up. Remind yourself that this is a journey and that goals are not end all’s or even destinations really. They are just things we focus on for a time that take us down the road.

So get back on track, forget about yesterday and move forward one day at a time.

It’s this day to day process of learning, doing right, and striving to be the best you can be that is important.

That is the real goal.

It takes time, probably more than a lifetime.

But that’s why we’re here.

www.stevengriggs.com

A Few Definitions

No Limits | The Freedom Blog™

A Few Definitions

Written by Steven Griggs | stevengriggs.com

“It does not require many words to speak the truth”   Chief Joseph   “Words, like glass, obscure when they do not aid vision”   Joseph Joubert

Many of my articles contain words that I have created to help convey a concept or process, or to condense an idea into a single word. While other times I may use other writer’s words, such as Stuart Wilde’s, to help describe some concepts and situations. 

The other day my wife was reading one of my articles and she asked me if I thought my readers understood what these words meant. I responded that I was sure they did but after I thought about it for a minute I realized that maybe she was right and maybe not everyone “gets” these words.

So I decided that I should devote an article to clarifying and explaining some of these words and concepts.

Here we go:

• Comfort Level or Comfort Band
• Victitlement
• Tick Tock
• Fringe Dwellers
• Fintiloc
• Your Exterior vs Your Interior
• Nummified
• Long Learner
• Your CTF, (your Claim To Fame)
• Under Programing

Your Comfort Level or Comfort Band

This refers to a range of limitations that we place on ourselves by taking on limiting beliefs. We have certain beliefs about every aspect of our lives. We have an upper limit that we create as a limit of what we feel we can accomplish “comfortably” and we have a lower limit below which we will not allow ourselves to go.

It varies with each of us but we all have our range of comfort, our own comfort band.

If you look closely at your life you can see your own limits. The upper limit sets the range for your band.

It is usually related to our upbringing and social identification but not necessarily.

Victitlement

Victitlement is an attitude or mindset that someone takes on that has them believe they deserve certain things or that they are actually entitled to them.

This type of thinking contains an element of victim hood because when the entitlements stop

they have someone to blame, that is anyone but themselves.

The truth is no one is entitled to anything, not freedom, not security, not anything. And each entitlement you do accept always comes with a price. To be secure in an unsecure world you need to let go. 

Stop trying to control outcomes and learn to accept what is. Of course you can work to change your circumstances and create better outcomes but depending upon the government or anyone else to take care of you will not end well.  

Tick Tock

Tick tock is Stuart Wilde's term for the daily 9-5 grind. The “Go to work, Come home, Eat, Go to bed, Then do it again” routine. We become lost in the comfort of our routines.

Fringe Dwellers

Stuart’s term for those of us who have escaped the tick tock world and have chosen to march to the beat of our own drummer. This doesn't require disavowing society it simply means you are in it but not of it. You do your own thing, if you can do it by being self-employed, good. If you are locked into trading your time for money, you adapt and plan for how you will escape. You live your life by your rules. You are not caught up in the tribal mindset, the tribal emotion. You have stepped back from all that.

Fintiloc

Fintiloc is an abbreviation for Financial Freedom, Time Freedom and Location Freedom. The idea is to create a lifestyle that allows you to live a free life. You create a business or income stream that you can manage from anywhere with a minimum of time. This funds your lifestyle and allows you to travel and live wherever you want

“We keep working towards retirement so we can live the life we wished for.... later. Meanwhile the years fly by and soon the children go off to college or start their own lives and you wonder where the time went. Now you want to make up for lost time but your energy seems to have gone, your interest has lessened…… you've waited too long to live your dreams…..” 

Your Exterior vs Your Interior

In my article your exterior vs your interior I describe your exterior as the current life you are living, your current circumstances. We tend to think our exterior life is the real life and our thoughts and dreams, our interior life, is just that, daydreams.

The truth is we create our exterior life by what we visualize in our interior life. The current life you’re leading is the one you have created or allowed.  You may disagree and argue that your current circumstances are not what you dreamed of, that you imagined a very different life.

But what is really happening is that your imagined life was sabotaged by your underlying beliefs, the beliefs that lie underneath your conscious mind. Your true interior life vision is exactly reflected in your current circumstances, what you really believed was possible for yourself.

Nummified

Being nummified describes a person who is humming along through life, safe and secure in a predictable and rigid mind set. They are safe and secure in their place in the world, validated by all their social amenities and tribal status. They have a belief system that keeps them within a rigid construct that allows for very little variation. They are defined by their home, their car, and their ‘things”. They like things the same, they prefer itineraries and schedules. They usually travel in groups.

Long Learner 

This word describes me. I am a long learner. I sometimes need to get smacked upside the head a few times before I really “get” something. It’s not that I’m a slow learner, I just take longer to really understand certain things and then when I do “get it” I move on. I’m sure I’m not the only one out there.

Your CTF, (your Claim To Fame) 

Every person has a claim to fame. You usually hear a person’s claim to fame within the first 10 minutes of meeting them. They tend to slip in their CTF's during any conversation. Sometimes it's astonishing to watch and see a long list of CTF's spewed forth.  

This is because people have a need to let you know where they fit in within the tribal hierarchy and in the process usually try to elevate or “improve” their status by showing some connection to someone special or famous or some other connection to specialness. 

Many times it is a list of money statements, wherein they let you know how much they make or spend, where they live and what they drive and other things they own. At the same time that person will need understand who and what you are and how you “fit in” to the world, that is into “their” world. But sometimes they are too involved in their story to hear yours.

Under Programing

Our under programing is the belief system that we have taken on throughout our lives. These are beliefs that are primarily created during our childhood through events that became imprinted in our "child" mind. As we go through life we firm up these beliefs based on our experiences and other events that reinforce the beliefs. Over time these beliefs become embedded and act as a filter for the way in which we live our lives. There are ways to modify or eliminate these limiting beliefs. 

I hope this helps.

www.stevengriggs.com