No Limits | The Freedom Blog®
What Are You Expecting?
Written by Steven Griggs | stevengriggs.com
“Keep high aspirations, moderate
expectations, and small needs” William Howard Stein
“When one’s expectations are reduced to
zero, one really appreciates everything one does have” Stephen Hawking
“I got no
expectations, to pass through here again”
Rolling Stones
Expectations are desired outcomes. We
desire something and when it doesn't happen we are disappointed. We experience
contradiction. This is because we view
the world out there as something we can control but the truth is we can’t; we can only
control our responses.
Yes, we can influence some things and maybe manipulate other things but that can lead to trouble
because you develop the feeling that you can control most things. But it’s the things that happen that we can’t control
that cause us to be emotionally upset or angry.
In the physical sense we have a bit of
chemistry to overcome. Our brain releases dopamine when it is pleased. So when
its expectations are met and our brain is pleased a small amount of Dopamine is
released into our system. This gives us a quick feeling of pleasure and well-being.
Larger amounts of Dopamine are released if you exceed your expectations.
This “reward” for meeting our
expectations can result from the smallest form of having your expectations met.
For example, being on a deadline and looking up and seeing you have 30 minutes
more than you thought you had or having the light turn green just as your reach
the intersection. Both of these events cause Dopamine to be released.
Conversely, when you have an
expectation that is not met, you not only don’t have the flush of Dopamine, you
actually have a more negative feelings come up. This can even dip you below
where you would be normally. In some instances you might even have a momentary
feeling of fear.
Having expectations is the real source
of all unhappiness.
This is because you are constantly
living with contradictions of the ego. Your desired outcomes don’t match with
what is actually happening.
You looked forward to a clear warm day
and it rains. You have an appointment and your car won’t start. You were hoping
to get the new job and you didn't.
It never ends.
You have to learn to accept what
is not what you would wish it to be.
For example when your expectation is a
sunny day but you get wind and rain, look at the weather and accept that this
planet has a lot of weather and without it the entire planet would be a desert.
So you accept the weather and put on a raincoat or pick up an umbrella.
Simple.
No need for an emotional reaction or
frustration or even anger. It’s just weather.
So try stepping back from the emotional
engagement of contradicted expectations.
Accept “what is” and roll with it. Expect everything.
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