Detachment

No Limits | The Freedom Blog™

Detachment

Written by Steven Griggs | stevengriggs.com

“Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience. 
It is opening to or receiving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it. 

 Sylvia Boorstein

“Attachment creates illusion”

 Buddhist Saying

“He who would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment”

 Meister Eckhart

What is detachment? How do you define it?

I have heard some people describe being detached as if it were something negative, as someone who is disconnected or aloof.

Detachment is nothing of the kind. It is simply the opposite of being attached.

It means you are not attached to any outcome. You don’t have any expectations because you aren’t attached emotionally to what happens next.

What happens is what happens, you simply accept it and make your next move.

Expecting “something” and being disappointed or angry when it doesn’t happen is considered a normal response in our culture.

But is it really necessary to set yourself up for never ending disappointment?

And having expectations sets you up for continual disappointment; it keeps you on the razor’s edge of happy and unhappy.

Why is this happening?

It’s because our ego mind always has its agenda. It wants things to be predictable. It craves predictability and it hates to be contradicted.

The ego mind loves to be in the driver’s seat, and if you let it drive it will create all kinds of chaos and stress for you. You can never keep it happy.

So how do you take back control from the ego mind and start driving the car?

You must learn to become an observer.    

One technique I use is to imagine I am looking down at myself from a place above and to the right of me.  It’s almost as if I am watching someone else. As I watch I can “see” what is really happening to me and I can tell myself how to react.

It’s almost like there is a bit of stop action going on. The part where you would normally react is slowed down and you can actually choose a different response, a more thought out or moderated response or no response at all.

Try it.

Start watching yourself. Begin to see the reactions you have to situations. Begin to feel your buttons being pushed.

It becomes very interesting.

You will learn to see yourself beginning to become angry or have an emotional reaction and then, like a surfer you dive under it and let the emotion wash over you like a wave. You don’t feel the emotion, you go under it and come up on the other side.

That’s the best way to describe it. It is an amazing feeling. It will change you.

There are constant opportunities to practice your responses. Anytime your ego mind is contradicted you get a reaction. Test yourself.

For example, you want to go for a hike so you want tomorrow to be a sunny day, but it rains. So you accept the rain and remind yourself that another sunny day will come. You tell yourself you’ll go to the movie instead.

Watch your reaction and modify your response.

A more challenging opportunity is in the area of interpersonal relationships. These are much more emotionally charged but you can still deal with them in the same way.

Usually, your mate or partner will be the best button pusher of them all…..

By watching and observing you will be able to step back from the constant seesaw of frustration or anger.

You’ll step into a new, peaceful place. A place where you realize that almost everything we worry about, obsess about, or are afraid of, is really nothing…..

Detachment is a major step in becoming truly free.

www.stevengriggs.com