No Limits | The Freedom Blog™
Detachment
Written
by Steven Griggs | stevengriggs.com
“Mindfulness
is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience.
It is opening to or receiving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it.
It is opening to or receiving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it.
Sylvia Boorstein
“Attachment creates illusion”
“Attachment creates illusion”
Buddhist
Saying
“He who
would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment”
Meister
Eckhart
What
is detachment? How do you define it?
I
have heard some people describe being detached as if it were something negative,
as someone who is disconnected or aloof.
Detachment
is nothing of the kind. It is simply the opposite of being attached.
It
means you are not attached to any outcome. You don’t have any expectations
because you aren’t attached emotionally to what happens next.
What
happens is what happens, you simply accept it and make your next move.
Expecting
“something” and being disappointed or angry when it doesn’t happen is
considered a normal response in our culture.
But
is it really necessary to set yourself up for never ending disappointment?
And
having expectations sets you up for continual disappointment; it keeps you on the
razor’s edge of happy and unhappy.
Why
is this happening?
It’s
because our ego mind always has its agenda. It wants things to be predictable.
It craves predictability and it hates to be contradicted.
The
ego mind loves to be in the driver’s seat, and if you let it drive it will
create all kinds of chaos and stress for you. You can never keep it happy.
So
how do you take back control from the ego mind and start driving the car?
You
must learn to become an observer.
One technique I use is to imagine I am looking down at myself from a place above and to the right of me. It’s almost as if I am watching someone else. As I watch I can “see” what is really happening to me and I can tell myself how to react.
It’s almost like there is a bit of stop action going on. The part where you would normally react is slowed down and you can actually choose a different response, a more thought out or moderated response or no response at all.
Try it.
Start
watching yourself. Begin to see the reactions you have to situations. Begin to
feel your buttons being pushed.
It
becomes very interesting.
You
will learn to see yourself beginning to become angry or have an emotional reaction
and then, like a surfer you dive under it and let the emotion wash over you like
a wave. You don’t feel the emotion, you go under it and come up on the other
side.
That’s
the best way to describe it. It is an amazing feeling. It will change you.
There
are constant opportunities to practice your responses. Anytime your ego mind is
contradicted you get a reaction. Test yourself.
For
example, you want to go for a hike so you want tomorrow to be a
sunny day, but it rains. So you accept the rain and remind yourself that
another sunny day will come. You tell yourself you’ll go to the movie instead.
Watch
your reaction and modify your response.
A
more challenging opportunity is in the area of interpersonal relationships.
These are much more emotionally charged but you can still deal with them in the
same way.
Usually,
your mate or partner will be the best button pusher of them all…..
By
watching and observing you will be able to step back from the constant seesaw
of frustration or anger.
You’ll
step into a new, peaceful place. A place where you realize that almost
everything we worry about, obsess about, or are afraid of, is really nothing…..