No Limits |
The Freedom Blog™
Never Complain, Never Explain
Written by Steven Griggs | stevengriggs.com
“People asking questions, lost in confusion, well I tell them
there's no problem, only solutions”
John Lennon
But do we really?
What would you
classify as a problem? I mean a real problem?
Put it in the context
of knowing someone who has cancer or some other deadly disease or is crippled
or handicapped. Not to mention the billions of people on the planet who don’t
have enough food or clean water, let alone any form of a sanitation system.
Knowing this, can you
still whine about your little problems or would you just keep your mouth shut? Or can you just accept your problems?
Of course some
problems are more difficult than others. Major life changes like the death of a family member, the loss of your job, or a divorce are events
that seriously affect people. They can shut you down for a minute.
But the truth is
anything less than a major issue really should be called a nuisance.
And why do we like to
whine and complain so much anyway? Do you whine?
I’ll bet if you’re
honest with yourself you've been a whiner. We all have: the weather is bad today,
you have to work on your day off, you aren't getting a raise this year, your
plumbing is backed up, the car needs major work”….. the list is endless.
But again, why do we
do it?
Because it validates
us, it tells us we aren't the only ones with problems, there are a lot of us!
You've watched a whine
fest and probably been a part of one at some time. You get together and whine.
Misery does love
company so we tend to find other whiners.
It’s a gripe
session. It can be at work or with a
group of friends at a party. You get in the whine groove and go for it.
Everybody and everything is fair game.
But what is really
happening when you join the Whiner’s Club?
First of all, it feels
good. It feels like connection. You aren't the only one, you have co- whiners! And
your ego personality loves to feel sorry for itself, it can wallow in self-
pity for days on end.
But really, if you
stood back and watched yourself wouldn't you be horrified?
It is so self
-indulgent.
Living in the
abundance of this country, with the opportunity and gifts we have does not
allow any of us to utter one peep of complaint.
Second of all, if you
were honest with yourself you would realize that maybe you really aren't looking
for a solution because it’s much more fun to feel sorry for yourself and whine
away.
Besides if you had a
solution you might have to take action and making an effort might be
uncomfortable…..
But lastly, it keeps
you safely and comfortably locked into the problem, not the solution
So
what’s the answer?
I
think it is a process of reasserting yourself, of regaining a little bit of
self- control. You need to set some ground rules for yourself.
Years
ago I learned the concept of staying contained, staying within your zone of
control. That is a very small area, basically just your body and your mind. Commenting,
trying to control, voicing opinions or complaining, are out.
It
means staying true to your agreement with yourself and monitoring everything
that comes out of your mouth (brain). Self-censoring if you will.
If
your words do not add positively to the conversation, if you are going to say
anything negative towards anyone or anything, don’t say it.
Years
ago I began instilling in my mind the words: “Never Complain, Never Explain”.
This
does several things. It creates a mindset of control. You don’t whine about
things and when invited to join the whiners club you don’t.
You
just don’t complain. And you don't explain.
Keep
to yourself. Create an air of mystery about yourself. When someone at a party engages
you in a conversation, join in. But if the conversation drifts into whining or
complaining (or religion or politics for that matter) drift away. When someone asks
you if everything is alright, you don’t respond other than to say something neutral,
something positive, “Boy the food is sure great tonight. “I love the way the
house is decorated”, anything other than responding to the question.
Because
you can’t explain it, no matter what you say, the minute you start explaining yourself
to someone you’re in trouble.
You
see, most people won’t get it. All it will do is make you stand out and be
different. You make yourself an outsider. And that’s scary for the
mainstream.
And
really that’s what you become, an outsider. Gaining control of yourself and
stepping back from the mindset of the mainstream sets you apart, and once you
know, you can never go back.
You
become what Stuart Wilde called a "Fringe Dweller". We dwell on the fringes of
society. We are in it but not of it.
It
takes constant vigilance. I slip off my wagon all the time, but when I do I
tell myself "nope, we’re not going that way" and jump back on.
So
the next time you feel a whine coming on try to nip it in the bud.
Or
promise yourself that you will supply at least one solution to every whine you
have.
I’ll
bet you eventually stop whining altogether because, really, what is there to complain
about?
