Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda!

No Limits | The Freedom Blog™

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda!

Written by Steven Griggs | stevengriggs.com

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves- regret for the past and fear of the future”                                                                                                                 Fulton Oursler

"Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form."
Rumi

How many times have you had the thoughts or spoken the words: If only I would have… If only I could have ….  I should have….?  

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda.  We are all pretty familiar with WCS.

These words mean the same thing in any language and we all speak this language- the language of regret.

But this is a perilous conversation to have no matter what language you are speaking.

Do we ever really think about how much time and energy we waste looking back, constantly reassessing, reliving or reviewing the past?

Our minds rarely live in the present, in the current moment. We are forever looking back or looking forward but we are rarely in the now, the right now.

That’s because it’s hard.

It is very difficult to stay present. Our ego mind does not want to go quiet. It is on a continual quest to stay anywhere but in the here and now.

Watch yourself. See where your thoughts and attention go.

I am willing to bet your mind is not present as much as you think it is.

You can watch this when you meditate. Do you see how your mind will constantly try to sidetrack you and drag your attention to some little item, to some to do list, to another review of the same situation?

Meditation requires you to cancel those distractions and stay centered, to slip in between the gaps in your thoughts.

But it can be very busy in there!

It is the same during our day to day life, only much more active and much less noticeable.

Our busy distractions become almost invisible, like background noise, like a soundtrack of questions, WCS’s and more questions.

Living in the world of WCS’s is easy because your mind is always off somewhere else, sidetracked from the real task at hand which is staying present and working on yourself.

It is similar to gossip. Did you ever notice how comfortable it can be to join in with others when talking about someone else? Families are especially good at this.

It’s comfortable and familiar and your ego mind loves it because it makes it feel so good! Talking down other people is one of its favorite things!

The trick is to stay awake. Watch your thoughts, watch when they disappear into the past or drift off into a daydream about the future.

It’s OK to daydream a bit but living continually in WCS’s and regret will suck you dry.

The only way to overcome regret is to accept that it happened. Remind yourself that it is the mistakes and lessons that have gotten you to this point and because of those lessons you are wiser, more understanding and have a deeper compassion for your fellow man.

Try to police your mind and when it strays, herd it back to the present. It takes constant vigilance. Bring your attention back, take a deep breath, focus on where you are standing or sitting at that very moment. Feel yourself. Feel your body, feel the air you are breathing in. 
Focus on what you are seeing, hearing, smelling, and sensing. Pull your attention in.

Each day here is important.

Don’t waste another day looking at old tired reruns and writing critiques of a movie you’ve already lived.

www.stevengriggs.com

How Not To Live With Regret

No Limits | The Freedom Blog™

How Not To Live With Regret

Written by Steven Griggs | stevengriggs.com

“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back….. Regret is  only good for wallowing in.                                                                                                                     Katherine Mansfield 

“I never regret anything. Because every little detail of your life is what made you who you are in the end.”                                                                                             Drew Barrymore

How many times a day do you reminisce or look back on something with regret? How often do you feel sad or remorseful for something that you did or didn't do? Or do you look back and wonder that if you had made different choices some things might have turned out differently?

We all live with regret.

But what is regret? Wikipedia describes it as:

“a negative conscious and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviors. Regret is often expressed by the term "sorry."  Regret is often a feeling of sadness, shame, embarrassment, annoyance or guilt.”

Although guilt or shame result in feelings of regret these feelings are more intense and usually directly related to an improper or hurtful personal act. 

Remorse is similar to guilt or shame but in a much more current context and it is usually coupled with the need to apologize or repair the hurt or damage you may have caused.   

But for most of us I believe the regret we feel is a sadness or a longing about something in the past, about missed opportunities or paths not taken.

Regret doesn't exist in the future it’s always about the past.

We take a sad look back in the rear view mirror and see missed opportunities, wrong choices, huge sidetracks and a trail of chaos.

But you have to remember the person looking back on those events is not the same person that was making those decisions.

Of course it is still you, just a different you.

This is your path.

It is who you are.

This YOU! With all your broken hearts, your battle scars, your huge memory bank of experiences.

Appreciate that you've had the opportunity to have these experiences, to feel.

You now know what mistakes not to make, how to recognize and grab opportunities. You understand the warning signs of possible wrong turns. Your antennae are more sensitive.

Forgive yourself of the wrongs you've done, the hurt you've caused. Promise yourself you will never do those things again. And don't. Keep your promise but let it go.

And, best of all, remember that you’re still here, still waking up each morning with a smile on your face, ready to see what today brings.

Still here, greeting each person you meet with a smile and a kind word.

Still here, standing in the forest looking up at a star filled sky.

Still here and thankful.

And the road you've traveled on still leads on.

There are tons of new experiences waiting for you.

There are still many people you can help and support with your experience, your history and your deeper understanding.

Nature wastes nothing. Everything gets reused. And we are the same.

You are valuable because your history, your mistakes, and your missed opportunities translate into valuable knowledge, understanding and compassion.

Pass it on.

Regret is a wasteland.

Don’t look back.

stevengriggs.com

You Have Always been On The Path

No Limits | The Freedom Blog™

You Have Always Been On The Path

Written by Steven Griggs | stevengriggs.com

“At the center of your being, you have the answer:  you know who you are, and you know what you want.”

Lao Tzu

“Every step is on the path.”

Lao Tzu

“Your own positive future begins in this moment.  All you have is right here.  Every goal is possible from here.”

Lao Tzu

Sometimes when I’m coaching a client they will say that they feel lost or that they feel they may have missed their calling or they should have done this or shouldn’t have done that.

I let them go on for a minute or two as they explain their regret or frustration, how they missed their chance, and how their life has passed them by.

Then I tell them: “I understand what you’re saying but the truth is, it doesn’t matter.”

Everything you are, you have done or not done has gotten you to this moment. You can’t disown any of it. Or regret it or be sorry for it. You have to own every step you’ve taken.

Because every step you have taken has led you to this moment.

Whether you are 20, 40 or 80, age doesn’t matter.

What matters is that you acknowledge that you are right here, right now.

In the place you currently find yourself.  

In the circumstances you currently find yourself.

Past and future don’t matter.

What matters is what’s next?

Feeling that you are too old or past your prime or all used up is simply self-pity. You aren’t any of those things.

Feeling that you are too young and don’t know what you’re doing is also self-pity. Age is irrelevant. Start by starting.

Unsure about what you should be doing?

Stop asking questions and take a look at how you feel. What feels right? What can you picture yourself doing?

You have every answer, right now. It’s all in there. You just have to stop asking questions and start listening.

You are forgetting who you are.

If you don’t like your current circumstances, change them.

If you feel you missed your calling, what is it?

If you get started today but a few days later feel lost again, stop, get centered, remember who you are and start again.

There is no yesterday, there is no tomorrow, there is just right now.

Everything starts from right now, right where you are at this moment.

Get going.

www.stevengriggs.com